What I want to be

When I was younger, I told my family I wanted to be a tractor driver. I don’t remember what I found attractive, but it was a dream. Later on, I wanted to be a reverend father. I loved their calmness, their tranquillity, and the fact that they were respected by many. I had made a bet with my elder sister as a child to pay here 200 Naira if I didn’t become a reverend father. Years later, I was sent to a Catholic school, where I got baptized as a catholic, became a mass server, fell in love with reading my bible stories and Latin. However, it was not long before the hidden things I saw in some seminarians and priests turned me off, maybe I judged them too harshly, but they were priests, I expected them to be perfect — at least until I grew up and understood that they were people too. The priests don’t get all the blame though, I had a lot of lust to deal with and I could not imagine myself becoming a catholic priest, I had to marry.

Well, I also wanted to become a doctor. My father is a doctor, he saves lives and commands a lot of respect — at least that is what I thought. That did not work out for me, I got trashed by Post UME several times and realized in the process that medicine wasn’t for me: I don’t have the stomach to watch other people suffer, even as a doctor. Later I fell in love with computing, I studied computer science, I am a software developer for one of the top software development companies in the world. One would think I am fulfilled, I am doing something I am passionate about and it pays my bills — at least most. I am not fulfilled, there is still a hunger for more.

I remember that in 2007 I went to the General Overseer of the church I attended and told him that I wanted to attend bible school before I did my university education. His response was that if God has called me, then I should appeal to him to let me do my university education first. About 13 years later, I still find that the only time I am fulfilled is when I preach. Have I been preaching? NO.

No, I am not fulfilled, I have always wanted to be a motivational teacher, an artist, a singer, a film actor, a carpenter, a tailor, a shoemaker, a farmer, a welder, a mechanic, a lawyer, an architect, a construction engineer, I have always wanted to be more. Each of my desires has been tied to a greater desire, the desire to acquire knowledge and impart that knowledge to others in a way that empowers them. As an adult, I nurse these desires. Many people think I am confused, some think I am just multi-talented because of my ability to learn almost anything and teach it.

What do I want to be?

I want to be a good husband — loving, faithful, trustworthy, dependable, wise, strong, protective, holy, righteous, intelligent, and an example to my wife. I want to be the “image and likeness of God” to my wife — when she listens and is around me, I want her to feel the love and leaderships of God.
I want to be a good father — to be the sample and standard for the life of God for my children. To be a great teacher to them. To teach them to be selfless, and loving, faithful, trustworthy, dependable, wise, strong, protective, holy, righteous, intelligent, and an example/light to everyone they come in contact with.
I want to be a good son — to break the walls my parents couldn’t break and build the castles that they couldn’t build. I want to show the world that they did not waste their time bringing up a man like me. I want the whole world to realize what a gift they have in my parents. I want to make my parents proud.
I want to be a good brother, nephew, uncle, friend — to love everyone to the greatest depths without partiality and without holding back. To teach people how to trust and how to love. I want to be an example of Christ in their lives.
I want to be the sacrifice that brings the will of God down into the hearts of men. To be the one to proclaim his gospel in the most difficult situations. To be the one to bear the sufferings of others and bring them relief. No, I don’t have a messiah syndrome, I cannot be the messiah, Jesus is. I just want to be the one he sends when there is a fire — no matter the cost to my life.
I want to be everything that God wants me to be: The sacrifice, the light, the example, the sample, everything.
I don’t want anything but to be whatever is going to bring God’s love to everyone I meet. No matter what profession I take on, I just want to love God.